I wanna be your toothbrush, baby

I wrote this song back in 1977. I remember I had been talking about the subject matter of songs with a friend one evening and he had argued that you could write about absolutely anything. Next morning I was at the bathroom sink cleaning my teeth and I thought about our conversation; a toothbrush seemed to present a challenge.

The problem was how to approach the topic. I vaguely remembered a song about pink and blue toothbrushes that I think Max Bygraves once sung and I knew I didn't want to go down that path. I had also been feeling fed up with the way sexual desire seemed to be handled in pop music, generally. I could never take seriously the pelvic thrusts of lead singers. I decided to write a song that would gently extract the urine. It so happened that I had been reading some Freud around that time, in connection with my work, and so I decided to lace the lyrics with some excessive Freudian symbolism. This produced a chorus as follows:

In, out, up and down, down and up and round and round
I wanna be your toothbrush, baby
In, out, up and down, down and up and round and round
I wanna help you fight decay
Squeeze the tube, and hold me tight
Bite the bristle, it's gonna be alright
I don't think I have ever called a woman 'baby' in my entire life but it seems to go with the spirit of the song. I had a good laugh playing it in pubs when I was younger, especially later on in the evening when the audience had had a few beers. Now, I seldom sing it. Occasionally I yield to pressure if asked when I play at acoustic music nights in some of my local pubs. It gets quite revolting as the song moves along. One of the middle verses starts:
Me, you, you and me, I know that I wanna be
Submerged by a sea of your saliva
Spit, gums, teeth and phlegm, how I wanna be with them
Brushing up your central incisor
Hold me tight between your teeth
And I'll dig out those bits of meat and gravy
I have written another song on the topic of teeth, but that is a song about falling in love with your dentist!

ISRC = GBGHU0300013

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